Jokes - post the funny stuff here!

[Garth Kay]

Thanks Chris.

I will work hard to ensure that your results are the very last to be fixed!!

[JMACK007]

Ahem...

Humour is a wonderful thing, so let's have at it! Tell us your best jokes and funny stories!

Naturally, this is meant for comedy purposes only. If you get offended by anything, that's your problem and we don't want to hear it

[JMACK007]

And Chris...

In saying that - if it does cross the line, it WILL be deleted..

I can't believe that one got through the net!!

[Bob B]

THE GAY FLIGHT ATTENDANT
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.'

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.'

She calmly turned her head and said, 'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.'

To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, 'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch'

[gundog]

HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK ...

1. Open a new file in your computer.

2. Name it "Kevin Rudd".

3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.

4. Empty the Recycle Bin.

5. Your PC will ask you. "Do you really want to get rid of Kevin
Rudd ?"

6. Firmly Click "Yes."

7. Feel better?

Tomorrow we'll do Julia Gillard !!

Of course if you lean the other way you could put in Tony Abbott and Julie Bishop

[bennymacca]

i think this is up there with the wrongest things i have ever seen on tv. hilarious!

[Ben AxeL]

not there benny the cunt copiright claim

[bennymacca]

not there benny the cunt copiright claim

must have been taken down. it was there 6 weeks ago when i posted it

[AJG]

....

[666HARPS666]

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had
been going to the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem to pray, twice a day, every day,
for a long, long time.

To check it out, she went to the Wall, and there he was, walking slowly
up to the holy site. She watched him pray, and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave,
using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me Sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?

"Morris Feinberg," he replied.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wailing Wall to pray?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."

"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."

"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults,
and to love their fellow man."

"And how do you feel Sir, after doing this for 60 years?"

Spoiler:

"It's like talking to a f...ing brick wall."