The following trip report could be a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, probably. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental, even though it really happened and therefore is completely false. No humans, animals or feelings were spared, I mean hurt during the making of this trip report. If you feel you have been wrongly portrayed in this trip report please call 1800 BITE ME and someone will take your complaint and promptly loose it.
Oh, and it's long. You were warned!
Enjoy.
old man Swanky.
Main Event Trip Report:
DAY ONE (Wednesday)
Long day! Started work at 6am, day seemed to drag and drag as the ME excitement grew. Finally 2pm rolled around, I saluted my work colleagues and said, “so long bishes!”. And made a hasty exit to the Swank Mobile and home.
After some last minute packing (deciding how many decks of cards to pack) I was set. Just waiting for the young Russ McDonald to rock up and whisk us away to Dave Murrin’s place.
Before I knew it, we had arrived at Dave’s place and his stately brother Andrew Muzzington esq. was driving the 3 of us to the airport. It didn’t take long for the bad jokes to start and the standard road trip “in jokes” starting their births.
The 3 of us had a super quick check in and so headed to the Coopers Ale House bar to await out departure.
At this time Bennymacca had already checked in to our hotel in Melbourne, having arrived earlier in the day after spending a few days in Bris Vegas with a mate. His job was to check in and stock the fridge. His missions complete, he made his way down the road to become acquainted with Crown.
After a fairly flawless flight and an hours worth of Omaha flips, we arrived in Melbourne at around 11:30pm local time, and headed to our hotel, The Batman Hill Quality Inn, tired but ready for our Crown adventure and ready to claim Main Event gold.
After a couple of welcome beers and the standard “old man Swanky’s so old”, “How old is he?” jokes, we retired for the night. It sure was nice to be in Melbourne.
DAY TWO (Thursday)
We arose reasonably early, and by that I mean we slept in but still have enough time to trundle downstairs and get a hot breakfast before the kitchen closed. And boy what a breakfast. It’s been over a week and I’m still full!
After an awesome breaky, we strolled down to Crown, with the intensions of hitting up Galactic Circus for a little bit of prop bet fun. But the allure of the poker tables destroyed that. benny the cunt and Dave, finding seats quickly on the cash tables, and Russ ended up not too far behind.
I managed to drop about $300 playing dodgy Black Jack Plus and Roulette. My gambling for the weekend seemed over and I wasn’t happy.
Russ and I met up with Nathan Butler who now lives back in Melbourne and we headed off to the city in search of some items. I needed some podcasting gear, and once obtained shot back to our room to set up and record an episode of the Rail.
You can find it here: (Click the pic - man am I getting tricky!!)
The Last Chance Satellite game was on that night and while we all headed down, I wasn’t too keen to play. And frankly (probably due to being old) I can’t remember too much more of that night. Pretty sure we ended up back at room and had more beers. I believe we may even had to have restocked, though I can’t be too sure.
DAY THREE (Friday) Main Event Day One.
Then the day we all had waited so patiently for had finally arrived. At that point we knew we were looking at around $100000 in cash and prizes for 1st place and there wouldn’t have been one person in that room that didn’t want to get their hands on that loot.
benny the cunt and I got there a tad earlier to set up the podcasting gear and pump out a pregame show. We were asked when we were setting up by FHG management, if we would like to speak to Jeff Fenech? And 4 seconds later, we were interviewing the Champ!
So far the highlight of our podcasting career.
20 minutes later, the Champ was then interviewing me for the Youtube clips, haven’t seen those yet, but I’m in it, the Champ is in it, so it’s bound to be awesome.
Still we managed to get a quick 7 minute show up, and it showed I was nervous!
That can be found here
Not too long after wrapping up the show we had taken our seats and were eagerly awaiting the call to “shuffle up and deal”.
Just on the seats, FHG went all out. Each individual seat had a cover over the back of it with the Main Event logo on it and an extra seat cushion with the ME logo on it.
(The bracelet from this pic)
The cushion was a take home item, and I’m looking forward to taking it to AAMI stadium this year to make the viewing of the Crows destroying all comers, just that bit more comfortable!
And while we’re at it, all players also received a Main Event backpack with a number of goodies in it.
• An ME card guard.
• Lanyard with player name and table details
• Player party silicon wrist bands
• Main Event program/magazine
It was a great little souvenir.
Before we could get started though, there were the obligatory pregame speeches. Unfortunately it’s time for some negativity.
While these speeches I believe are necessary, this time, it seemed like an over produced spectacle that just didn’t deliver. It ran for about 30 minutes and about 10 minutes in the natives were getting exceptionally restless.
With dealers at the ready, chips in front of them and over $500k in cash and prizes in the waiting, this girl had been wined and dined for a good six months now, and it was time to go back to her place for coffee.
It made it even harder to keep the natives settled when for the most part anyone that wasn’t on the main floor, couldn’t really hear what was being said and being so far away from the action, we couldn’t really see. One thing I could make out from way down the back was, Brayden made his nice speech and did everything you’re supposed to do at these things, thanks the players, staff, Crown etc.
Unfortunately the video he put on straight after, went and said everything he just said. After it ran for 5 minutes, he came back and recapped it all again. So we heard the same thing 3 times. Over 15 minutes. I know after 15 minutes at our table, since we could barely hear, the conversations started, then other tables followed suit and in no time, it was a gaggle of noise with even less hope of hearing.
So my suggestion? Make the speeches shorter and do your best to make sure everyone can here. I know it’s hard to do, but it’s really the only solution.
This is what you would have seen in the right seating. 3 strapping young lads delivering the best poker experience any pub player, no bugger it any POKER player could ever want.
Well, we finally got the order to shuffle up and deal and the cards all hit the table, we were underway.
Like most people I had a bizarre table. We had a dead stack all day, with 3 tournament directors of some description commenting how that shouldn’t be, but nothing was done about it. It didn’t make any real difference to our table.
There seemed to be at least 3 “real” poker players (I have decided to include myself in those 3!) and the rest were playing pub poker in all it’s forms, mostly crappy.
Most of the those players would limp in to most pots and most would fold to a decent preflop raise, losing their limping chips. Except for one guy, who never met 2 cards he didn’t like and called EVERYTHING.
And of course he hit every flop hard and was constantly killing high pockets or high suited connectors with his horribly bad hands. If he did decide to raise preflop, he would make the bet 3k with blinds at 50/100. Of course no one would call and he would scoop another pot.
He played Ace anything and would always flop 2 pair, he was just so hard to play. Knowing we had plenty of room to play, myself and the player to my right, just decided to sit back and watch.
He eventually took a big hit and was crippled. Then, as is the custom with these players, his come back started. I had the chance to finish him off when my pocket 9’s turned a straight, he was check calling the whole way until the turn he shipped the rest of his stack in, I called with my straight and he rolls A9, of course.
Sure we split it, but it was my first major pot and I really wanted him gone, as did the rest of the table. His stack then grew to above start stack again and before we know it, he had enough to start throwing 5 or 6k in to the pot preflop again and time for me to start tightening my range again.
I really can’t remember if it was late on Day One or early Day Two when he finally came undone, but I do remember the table breathing a huge sigh of relief.
I had my stack up to a bee’s whicker over $50k just before the end of play, but ended up at $37500 when the chips went in to the security bag.
It was time to head home get freshened up and head out to the player party.
It had been a reasonably long day, so we decided to check in at the mini bar in our room for a warm up bevvie first.
* May or may not be actual mini bar
We arrived at the player’s party fashionably late and Fusion was pumping with poker players.
* May or may not be Fusion Nightclub. OK, it's Fusion Nightclub.
The weather in Melbourne wasn’t super kind to us, with the humidity somewhere around 3000%. In the end with a couple of us playing Day Two, we decided to head back to the room and clean out the fridge.
After a few more beers than we should have and the standard “old man Swanky’s so old”, “How old is he?” jokes, we once again retired for the evening ready to play Day Two.
DAY FOUR (Saturday) Main Event Day Two.
With some slightly fuzzy heads, benny the cunt and myself headed down to Crown to record another episode of The Rail before action got under way.
You can find that episode here:
I started Day Two with a game plan. I knew who the limpers were and I knew what they were limping with. We had one bloke who limped in with any 2 suited cards, a decent raise preflop would see him let those cards go.
Day Two was going to be Punish the Limpers Day.
I would make decent sized raises against those players to steal blinds and antes and with any Top 10 hand or pair, I was shipping in my stack.
This was working quite successfully, and I’d built my stack up to around $55k.
I woke up with 77 about 2 hours in and pretty much decided if the limpers come to play, it was all going in.
I was in position and as suspected, the usual suspects limped in to see a cheap flop, I had 3 before a 3x raise by Sean Henderson on my right. He was playing tight and we had a mutual respect thing going on.
Suspecting he was trying to steal the blinds and antes I was trying to steal and knowing he’d lay down Ace rag or low pockets to a shove, I shipped it all in.
Just as the script had predicted, the limpers all folded. The action came around to Sean, he grinned slyly and out of the corner of his mouth he said to me, “You’re gonne hate me, call.”
I was shocked, he did indeed have low pockets and had decided to call. I was blown away, here was a bloke who had played tight poker for 1 and a bit days, who had earned a lot of respect from me, and he just called $55k with pocket 1’s.
Turns out pocket’s 1’s is also the highest starting hand in this game, well you learn something new every day!
My 7’s never improved and Sean’s Aces collected a nice pot, sending me to the rail.
For the first time in quite some time I wasn't leaving the table pissed off. I made the right play and got caught by a great hand. Sean was a nice guy and if my chips couldn't stay at my place, I was happy they went to his house.
Sean went on to finish about 4th from memory and I constantly railed him for the next 2 days. Well played Sean, it was a pleasure.
I went and got a beer and checked out what benny the cunt and Russ were up to, both having been knocked out the previous day.
Both were playing cards, I decided to head up stairs and try my luck once again at the pokies, this time with the new Jaws machine lining my pockets.
Later in the day I met up with Nathan Butler who was enjoying his 13th Birthday. I showed him how to play Jaws, letting him know that poker was for chumps and pokies are where the real money is at. I relieved that machine of another $250 and bought a few more beers.
After a few more hours I decided to teach the roulette table who was boss and took them for another $200 or so.
It managed to pay for most of my hotel room and a heap more beers.
Bennymacca and myself signed up for the Team’s Event with a view to taking that down along with the glory and adulation that came with it. After that plan was foiled, Dave, benny the cunt and myself headed back to our room and the fridge with free beers and left Russ to battle on with the teams event. He ended up cashing, but it wasn’t a win and nobody cares about 2nd or 3rd or where he came!
We got back to the room and after a few more beers and the standard “old man Swanky’s so old”, “How old is he?” jokes, we once again retired for the evening to get ready to rail Dave who was the last of the 4 of us still in the comp.
DAY FIVE (Sunday) Main Event Day Three.
benny the cunt and I headed of early to do our morning recap show for the Rail, looking forward to seeing Dave run deep.
Our recap show can be found here:
Russ and benny the cunt hit the cash tables once again, I railed Dave and Sean for a bit, then decided to teach roulette a lesson again, picking up a few more clams. The tables were now keeping me in food and drink and cutting back the cost of my weekend.
The bubble finally burst with Luke Roberts and benny the cunt and I had a chance to interview him for the Rail. Dave finished a little while after in 60th min cashing and it was great seeing a mate cash again. Nice work Dave.
benny the cunt entered the $200 Monthly Mega Stack, I decided my gambling was at an end, quitting while I was even. And then got set to record the best episode of the Rail to date. And that was mainly due to the awesomeness of the Main Event Final Table.
We interviewed everyone after their elimination, and got to watch an amazing heads up battle.
You can check out the podcast of the Final Table here:
Watching that heads up battle was great and seeing all those $25k plaques littered around the Final Table was certainly inspiring. benny the cunt and I wrapped up the final podcast, packed up our gear with a view to heading to the Supper Inn. The boys had wanted to go to this little place in China Town for a few days now. It might have been late, but we were going.
Down side was, benny the cunt started to fill a bit crook. We headed back to the hotel to freshen up, that’s when benny the cunt decided he really wasn’t feeling too well and would skip the Supper Inn. I was feeling a bit shady, but benny the cunt was looking very green around the gills as he slipped in to bed.
Russ, Dave and I grabbed a cab and headed for China Town. It was great to wind down and have a good feed that wasn’t food court. After a couple of beers, we headed back to the hotel to finish the beers in the fridge. I started feeling a bit worse, but thought a few beers would fix me up.
Back the room benny the cunt was in a very bad way. We inquired as to whether he didn’t require any beer interrupting medical attention, he said he didn’t, so happy to say the beer didn’t get interrupted!
Well not immediately, about half way though the beer, I realized I wasn’t feeling the best and didn’t really want it. I held on the Man Card though, hoping it would pass. I was no where near benny the cunt as far as sickness, but I didn’t like it. benny the cunt was up all night, going back and forth and it was horrible see, hear and smell, I really felt sorry for him.
He got up early and went and got some meds. We packed up and I was feeling reasonable but not the best. The other boys didn’t feel the best either, but were OK. Our flight didn’t leave until 3:30pm so we headed to Crown to attempt to watch the NBA All Star Game. Unfortunately ESPN was down and we had to watch soccer. Rather than slash our wrists, we decided to head to the airport and wait it out, which I was happy to do, but scared at the same time. I’ll save you from the details, but trips to the loo were becoming more frequent! I wasn’t really looking forward to that flight.
We made it home with only one incident on the plane and I won’t mention any names or that Russ threw up for fear of embarrassing that person. So that person, (Russ) shall remain nameless, to protect Russ. No amount of prying will get me to reveal it was Russ, so please don’t ask.
In the end, we all came down sick with some form of food poisoning, benny the cunt being the worst and me not too far behind. I was a lousy end to a pretty cool trip. I’m really looking forward to the next one.
We’ve also done a post Main Event episode of the Rail and that can be found here:
Featuring the debut of David Murrin!
It really was a great trip!
