This first one is sooooooo True lmaoooooo
A homeless man asks another man for two dollars. The man says "Will you use the money to buy booze?" The homeless man replies "No sir, I don't drink." The man then asks "Will you use the money to gamble?" The homeless man replies "No sir, I don't gamble." So the man says "Do me a favor and come home with me. I want my wife to see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble."
Just to back up the other one
A man came home from a poker game late one night and found his hideous harpy of a wife waiting for him with a rolling pin.
"Where the hell have you been?" she asked.
"You'll have to pack all your things, dear," he ad-libbed. "I've just lost you in a card game."
"How did you manage to do that?"
"It wasn't easy, honest. I had to fold with a royal flush."
